Being a mom is such a mixed bag of emotions isn’t it? On one hand there’s nothing more rewarding than watching this little human you created grow up, learn things, reach new milestones and develop into an actual person. On the other hand, it’s almost heartbreaking having to watch them grow up. To wake up another day older, every single day.

From the moment you see two pink lines on that little stick your life becomes full of exciting and momentous firsts. The first time you hear that tiny little heartbeat, or see his button nose on an ultrasound or feel him kick. His first time crawling, walking or talking. The first year is such a wild ride.

I’m one of those people who absolutely loved the newborn and baby stage with my boys. I lived for the snuggles and lazy days of them sleeping on my chest and having their needs so easily met. You’re crying? Here’s a boob, problem solved! Ha! I wish I could have a newborn for a couple weeks a year every year, but I guess it doesn’t work like that. Has anyone seen those Huggies commercials with the moms and their newborns in the hospital? Oh man, they get me every time!

Austin is very likely our last baby and with him just about to turn one, I’m just over here, feeling sad for myself that I’m never going to get those firsts again. That first moment when you meet your baby and the doctor places him on your chest. The first time their teeny, tiny little hand reaches out and grabs your finger or strokes your cheek. The first smile or laugh or coo. Those moments are just so, so good.

I know there’s still going to be lots of first ahead of us…and I’m sure those will be just as exciting, but there’s just something about first birthdays isn’t there? Boy do they have a way of making you emotional about your baby growing up. The baby stage is just so short in the grand scheme of life.

So, for now, I’m going to pour myself a big ol’ glass of wine, scroll through baby photos and mourn the end of the baby phase. That saying ‘babies don’t keep’ sure feels true tonight.